My brain needs re-training.
I'm horrified to think of how many hours I've given to Facebook and Meta over the years.
I signed up to Facebook in 2008, 18 years ago. Instagram a couple of years later.
I'm horrified to realise that I've spent more than half of my life with social media, and I feel a sense of grief with the way it has influenced my life and how it has become so ingrained in society.
I often wonder what kind of person I would have become if social media hadn't grown to what it is today, what kind of life I'd have in what kind of society.
I've become so used to just consuming other people's opinions, thoughts, and content, that I feel as though I need to retrain myself for self-expression. Somewhere along the way I became self-conscious of what I posted on Instagram, carefully curating my grid and posts to try and express myself within the confines of what was trending or acceptable for The Audience to see. What was I trying to prove? All I did was feed the algorithm and probably help train some AI robot.
I'm always craving the chance for more creative outlets and self-expression, so I just need to re-train my brain on how to get comfortable with that again. I was creative in my teens, pre-Facebook. I want to find that version of me again. I recently came back across my old DeviantArt blogs from circa 2007-2009, at the end of my high school years, and damn I miss that time of the Internet. I think this is my way of trying to find a path back to that feeling of the internet being such a treasure trove of creativity, self-expression, weirdness, and potential.
I have so many topics to write about and no one particular theme to follow. I want to write for myself:
my past self, who used to blog without a care in the world on MySpace and dA;
my present self, to become reacquainted with expression and move past the feeling of needing to perform for an audience with what I post;
and my future self, who hopefully can look back on this period of time as a pivotal moment where life got a bit more bright and creative again.
So, on that note -
Day 1 of no social media:
I walked my partner to the bus stop so he could go to work.
I got a takeaway coffee and chatted to a man with a very sweet therapy dog while I waited.
I sent video messages to some close friends from high school.
I enjoyed the sunshine, smelled the flowers, noticed the bees and the intricacies of leaves.
I went for a massage and willed my body to soften and lose its tension.
It's now approaching 3pm and I'll do some study for an exam I've been wanting (and needing) to do for a licensing upgrade for my career.
It feels like I've woken up.